A big explosion has occurred in my life, which made me realize that I am no better than trash that is thrown away, trampled on, forgotten and useless.
It feels like it's been too long since I made the people around me suffer. They were too kind to allow myself and my freedom of thought, independence, and my indifference and insensitivity to my surrounding and make it all explode in the end. Now i'm being a coward, confused even to start apologizing, where to start? It's all too complex and makes my head feel like it's going to explode right now.
The strange thoughts that were creeping deeper and deeper in my head messed everything up. Instead of getting better, it felt like I was losing myself. Drift away. Swallowed by those strange thoughts. I'm a mess, my life is a mess. And it's nobody's fault but myself.
I should have realized that I can't control other people's opinions, behaviors, and desires, but myself. I realized everything too late. Obviously I can't go back, nobody allow me to stop and disappear from this earth. Why? I'm worthless too, why should I stay?
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