I'M EXHAUSTED

 Does God really love me?

But why? Why am I being rewarded like this? Is it because I often leave him? Am i that bad?

Very arrogant. Just asking the questions above has become a form of my neglect of the majesty of God who chooses the world and everything in it. Am I that bad? Until it feels like happiness refuses to come to me? Am I too grandiose to ask for something?

God, am I that bad? Isn't there a little happy left for me? Am I that insulted? God....do I not deserve a glimmer of peace and tranquility in my soul? I miss that.

God? Am I that bad? Can my apologizes be accepted? Have I never been sincere with my good? Was my good all this time are not good enough? Was what I actually did while I was alive wasn't good? But the fulfillment of the demands of the world around me?

God, I didn't kill....I didn't commit adultery....I didn't hurt other people on purpose either?

Am I disobedient to God? Am I wrong to blame my mother when she cheated on my family? Should I just shut up and let it go? God? Am I wrong for pushing the truth that I believe in? Then what should i do then? People out there said I was bad for yelling at my mom? Should I just shut up? God, am I that bad?

Am I not entitled to a glimmer of calm and peace in my soul?

God, can everything just stop if I don't have any benefit in me anymore? If myself doesn't has any beneficial in life, can i just die? God, what should I do? Did I really agree to be born on earth back then before it all started? Why is it like this, God? What have I done to be rewarded like this?

God, am I that bad?

Can it all end?

I'm tired.